You may want to cover your ears,
for I shall now tell you, my dears,
a tale that may haunt you for years.
The tale of The Old Wizard Earl.

It happened one night in Kildare,
in the Wizard’s south tower lair.
Death’s stale scent hung in the air,
and fate quietly awaited The Earl.

His wife wanted proof of his power,
so she silently snuck to the tower
where she spied on him for over an hour,
but no magic was performed by The Earl.

In frustration she let out a groan,
letting her presence be known.
She whined and continued to drone,
that she wanted proof from The Earl.

He said he’d turn into a bird,
but that she shan’t utter a word,
for if any screams were to be heard
it would be the end for The Earl.

“You must not show any fear,
for if you become scared, my dear,
I shall forever disappear,”
warned The Old Wizard Earl.

She promised not to show fright,
then watched in utter delight
as her husband transformed and took flight.
And above her head flew The Earl.

But just then she spotted a cat,
which on The Wizard’s desk sat.
It tromped a tattered top hat,
then made a leap for The Earl.

Without a thought in her head,
She let out a scream filled with dread.
Suddenly a thick fog then spread,
and in midair vanished The Earl.

The cat then fled with a smile,
proud of his successful guile,
leaving behind him a pile,
of dust that once was The Earl.

Since that night, ev’ry six years
a ghostly bird now appears
to haunt the lair where once disappeared,
the magical Old Wizard Earl.

Most human beings
are born with one heart.
But poor Seamus Phelps
had two from the start.

The doctors were shocked and
His parents were troubled.
Their new baby’s organ,
somehow had doubled!

The spare heart seemed not
to cause problems at all.
Seamus Phelps grew just fine,
reaching six foot three tall.

Seamus swam like a fish,
and hit baseballs with fire.
And not once did his hearts
give in and retire.

He could do everything just,
like everyone else,
up until he met the lovely
Alley Rose Welsh.

She simply was perfect,
with hair dark as night.
Her chocolate brown eyes
were beautiful quite.

The moment he saw her,
Seamus took a deep breath,
his hearts thumped too fast
and that was his death.

Little Susie Albacore
had a life that began,
from the straining confines
of a small tuna can.

Like a bird from an egg
she emerged from the tin,
and took a hard look around
the new world she was in.

She raised herself wisely
and enrolled in first grade,
and was proud of herself
and the life she had made.

But while attending Ben Franklin
Elementary hell,
Susie was teased
about her strong fishy smell.

Her classmates came to school
wearing clothes pins on their nose.
Even the teacher joined their cruelty,
by spraying Susie with a hose.

But the water made the fish scent,
smell even worse.
And Susie grew enraged
by her tuna womb curse.

She left the school shouting
and pounding her head,
“I wasn’t born from a vagina,
but a fishier place instead!”

An odd feeling struck her
and she halted her tears.
She felt the sides of her neck
And found gills had appeared.

Her legs formed a tail
and her breathing grew short,
and she wobbled herself over
to Honolulu port.

She jumped in the sea
from whence she began,
and can only be seen now
on your tuna fish can.